From “Life is as a Mother”
For my last blog post, I let you peek in on my sappy relationship with my husband. So I thought for this one, I would focus on the other love of my life: my daughter.
(I know, I said I wasn’t going to do a Valentine-themed blog post…whatever, I changed my mind. My blog, my rules.)
Now, I protect my daughter online. In public forums, I do not share her name or likeness. I also will not share anything she may find embarrassing should it ever resurface. But she is a CARD! I decided it would be safe to dive back into my Facebook archives and revisit her toddler years.
These are all excerpts (edited) from when she was two years old. Even back then she was a character! I hope you enjoy these as much as I have, because she truly is a joy.
So my two-year-old is totally dropping the F-bomb. It means something else entirely…she’s trying to (unsuccessfully) say something I have yet to decipher, and it is unfortunately coming out as “f@ck.” Fantastic.
Little Bit calls cake “cake-it.” She’s turned it into a verb, and not just any verb but one that makes life a party! Don’t like your dinner? Cake-it! Having a bad day? Cake-it! Haha! Not only do I love my daughter, but I really like this kid.
This little girl makes me laugh in ways she’ll never understand. As a child of the 80s I couldn’t help but giggle when she asked for, “Juice! Juice! or-ANGE…Juice!” It was all in the inflection. [Anybody get the reference? Hint: Baby Ruth]
Little Bit saw something that looked like a crab...
called it a crap.
Jelly arms! Don’t know which was more taxing: shoving a 20lb vacuum around the house one-handed, or toting a 20lb vacuum-hating toddler in a bathing suit on my hip while doing so.
12 reasons why my toddler is crying just this afternoon:
1. I offered her both water AND milk.
2. Water isn’t also milk.
3. Straws don’t work upside down.
4. Her penguin sippy cup is crying.
5. I shifted the items in her shopping cart.
6. The manicure toe spreader wouldn’t fit between her size 4 baby toes.
7. Her toenails were painted.
8. She didn’t know how to play Nintendo.
9. She can’t open a flower.
10. Her whole hand won’t fit into the credit card slot of Daddy’s old wallet.
11. I picked her up; I put her down.
12. Her knee is…leaking, what?
My toddler is pouting in the corner because she can’t eat a rainbow.
MAN toddlers are stealthy! I tripped over her and twisted my knee. One moment she’s playing on the floor, then somehow she’s directly behind me. Either ninjas have been taking on toddler apprentices or my two-year-old has discovered how to manipulate worm holes.
Oh, the weird things we hear ourselves say as parents! We’re in the bathroom getting Little Bit ready to brush her teeth before bed. Daddy says, “Okay give me your pacifier…
and your blanket…
and your narwhal…”
The randomness of toddlers amuses me. Little Bit is wandering around with her blanket, my old trombone mouthpiece, and a packet of yellow rice.
“How did you get peanut butter on your BACK??”~ Me, after lunch
Oh good grief. Little Bit runs up to me, “Mmmm, tasty! Tasty!” I thought it was something on TV, so I said “Oh, let’s go see! Show me what’s tasty.” Yeahhh, I’d left the salt shaker on the coffee table. It’s exactly what you think.
I was spot cleaning while my toddler ate lunch. She followed me into the bathroom and sneezed with a mouth full of cornflakes. *sigh* At least I already had the cleaning supplies in hand.
I remember children's songs differently as an adult.
"Old MacDonald had a dog, B-I-N-...G-..." Wait, what?
Little Bit: Watch Jackie Chan?
Little Bit: Watch Jackie Chan!
Me: …What? Jackie Chan?!
Little Bit: Jackie Chan!!
Me: *dawning realization* Oh, CHUGGINGTON! [It’s a baby show about talking trains]
Murphy paid a visit tonight and demonstrated his Law. Little Bit was occupied so I decided to try to glue a piece of jewelry back together. The superglue tip was blocked, but what did I do? I squeezed anyway, hoping for just a pinpoint of glue to seep through. I squeezed too hard, though, and it spurted out everywhere…at the exact moment my potty-training toddler announced from the living room, “Uh oh! I have tinkles!” AK! Moment of truth: glue vs. pee. Thanks for that, Murphy.
– potty successful
– fingernails glued to finger pads
– necklace glued to stove top.
Me, to the tired husband who just walked through the door: “I know you’re absolutely beat, but I’m weary…toddler weary. If you can just throw her in the tub and wash off the salad dressing then she can be in bed in 30 minutes.” These are our current goals in life.
I just watched the man who rocked a Templar knight for his wedding five years ago run off hunched over a very tiny little girl singing, “Let’s go tink-le, let’s go tink-le…”
[My God, I love this man so much.]
I love playing “hide and seek” with my two-year-old. She hides behind the same sheer curtain every time — giggling and shushing herself — then after I make some silly seeking efforts, she’ll pop right out and reveal herself with flair. And the best part? She calls it “hide and secret.”
So, to all you parents out there who are cleaning up sneezed cornflakes, mitigating accidental f-bombs, and playing “hide and secret”…I salute you. Love certainly takes on a whole new dimension when it comes to parenthood.
Happy Valentine’s Day to you and your little loves.
Thanks for reading.