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From “Rants About Something Dumb”

I like stand-up comedy. Nothing too raunchy, nothing too political, just good ol’ everyday observations and experiences. The hubbins and I are always browsing around for cleaner comedy (which is surprisingly difficult to find in this age of anything goes). Well, we stumbled across a Netflix series called The Standups…and they were all actually pretty good. There was one guy, though, who said something that didn’t just crack me up but sent me down a little rabbit hole.

 Caution: Rabbit Hole

(This whole thing is a rabbit hole. Prolly should’ve just put that at the top.)

S2E3: Kyle Kinane. Roughly eleven minutes in, Mr. Kinane is deep into a tangent about owning a home versus renting. When he encounters a plumbing issue, he says this:

“I don’t have time for all this plunging. I’m an artist! It cuts into my creativity.”

Okay, so that doesn’t come off nearly as funny in black and white…it’s the delivery combined with the comedian’s rough persona that pushes it over the edge. But still, hilarity! Isn’t that so true? It speaks to all of us artistic types…artists, writers, designers, musicians, actors, and so on. When we are creating, we shove away the physical realm and exist in our own internal empire of color, words, music, and form.

*ding dong*

AK!! Why? Why is there a human at my front door??? Oh, an Amazon package…cool, my gum is here. You’re excused. [munch, munch]

Anyway, even a simple disruption like that can take valuable time away from—

*brrrink!*

*brrrink!*

Dang it, where’s my stupid phone…

*brrrink!*

It’s in the stupid bathroom where I stupid left it when I had to stupid pee. It’s just stupid Twitter. I’m glad you like my recent post, three people, but I am working here! <sets phone to vibrate>

Okay. Deep breath, Deidre. Let’s see…I was writing the words…

When you’re deep into that creative moment sometimes it can look to the outside world like you’re doing nothing. “What is she doing?” “I dunno…staring at the doorknob for some reason.” But our eyes are dilating and our pulse is quickening; a chill is tingling across our shoulders and down our legs as creative perfection beings to reveal—

*BZZZZT, BZZZZT*

AHHH!!! NO, PHONE! NO! Holy dude, nothing can yank you out of a creative trance like a phone vibrating on a tabletop! WHO is CALLING me?! Yes, fine; thank you, robocall, for letting me know my prescription is ready. Go die now.

These little distractions can be annoying for anyone who’s in “the zone” with any kind of project. But for The Arteest these interruptions feel banal, plebeian, and tedious. Doorbells and social media and housework and trite little conversations are boring. Does that make us divas? Of course not. But does that make us divas? Yes. [Nod to Brent Morin S2:E5, also hilarious.] We can be obnoxious when we are creating! We become intolerable, unbearable, insufferable, and other -able little so-n-sos.

(The hubbins is nodding in my periphery; bold move, good sir.)

(And there actually is a perfect word for “so-n-sos” but it violates my delicate constitutions. I even looked it up on Urban Dictionary to try to find a suitable synonym, but it’s defined as being a less offensive version of another word that would further violate my delicate constitutions. Just use your naughty little imagination. I know you have one.)

So unless you are bringing snacks, don’t interrupt. Unless you have big news, don’t call. Unless you are in peril, don’t expect me to attend to you. “It cuts into my creativity.”

Okay, I’m done.  

End rant.

Thanks for reading.