From “Rants About Something Dumb”

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It’s hard not to notice how our social media magically knows what we’ve been shopping for. A quick scroll through your Facebook or Twitter feed will yield various ads for products you’ve recently shopped, Googled, or accidentally discussed in front of your Alexa device. (We’re onto you, Alexa!)

We’ve taken to basically ignoring them for the most part (at least I have), but recently one ad in particular caught my eye. Not because of what it was trying to sell me, but rather due a completely baffling detail.

Here’s the advertisement, as it appeared in my Facebook feed:

Not about the jar any more, is it?

So, I did what anybody else would do:

I asked Twitter.

And Twitter did not fail me! It sparked quite an enjoyable conversation, as well as some very interesting (and entertaining) suggestions as to the contents of this jar. I got:

• Alien jerky
• Starfish jerky
• Old beef jerky that was found in a lint trap
• Jar of dirt
• Bog candy
• Peat moss
• Hand-cut elk jerky (strong argument, actually)
• Roasted slugs with honey and pepper
• Freeze-dried pickles
• Aliens
• Alien candy
• Jellyfish jerky
• Cactus jerky
• Jerky, by Hannibal Lecter
• Roofing tar (you know, for birthday cake toppers)
• Dried sea cucumber
• Dried blech
• Alien pill bugs (only $9.99 on the shopping channel!)
• Desiccated beetles
• Dehydrated Cthulhu tentacles
• Biltong
• Eggs of a demon spawn
• Ew!
• *blink blink*
• and *gag*

 

What do YOU say it is?

(Leave a comment with your best — or funniest — guess!)

 

But wait! There’s more!

I went to the actual product page to read up on these storage containers and see if I could glean any insight. To avoid stepping on any toes I’m not going to share anything verbatim, but every single question asked was an inquiry into the mysterious (and disturbing) contents of the display jar.

The seller ultimately revealed the contents to be dried Japanese sea cucumbers (dear God why?), but my favorite customer comment suggested it might be the dehydrated remains of the marketing associates.

The point of all this is to say: know your audience. If you’re selling to the masses, appeal to the masses. Give us dried herbs, pasta, jelly beans, cotton balls…something, anything recognizable. Otherwise, you’ll end up on Twitter.

Or in somebody’s blog.

Thanks for reading.

 

Disclaimer: This blog post is for entertainment purposes only. It is not an endorsement for the product shown, the manufacturer, dried Japanese sea cucumbers, or any associated vendor.